November 1st

its november 1st, and i don't even remember the last time i posted. let me put it this way- i never take the subway to work. i'm trying to be good and walk most days.

anyway, i feel the need to write because it's November 1st, and November means National Novel Writing Month, and i'm just not feeling it. the last two years, i could not wait to get started. this year, i'm like 'and what's my plot again?'

my plot is to rewrite last year's as a young adult novel, and that is an admirable goal. doing that requires killing off two major characters from last year's draft, and therefore adding a few new ones. so it'll take at least 50k words.

i think i'm not feeling it because i know the main characters already. i love them, and want to play with them again, but in the past two years, everything was new, and i had no idea what was going to happen. i'm pretty sure what's going to happen this year. last year, i had the final scene in my head as i started the month, then sheri came in with a plot change that ruined my planned last scene, but made the book much better. so there was that element of uncertainity that i like when i write. i love just letting my characters lead me.

i feel like i'm going to be leading them this year.

huh. the things i come up with as i write.

SEE? i like finding out things as i write. which means i should just start writing and let my characters talk to me again. maybe they'll suprise me. i have these three and a half characters that might have something new to say, after all.

my other problem is that i can't get my head out of my other fictional world. i felt a great need to finish a chapter of that world before november, and after spending months wanting those characters to talk to me, i finally got them to in october. now they won't shut up. walking into work today, i was considering a new character for my nano novel and my thoughts ended up writing a scene between characters in my other opus. they need to shut up now- but i'm afraid they won't talk again if i shut them up.

sigh. and mercury's in retrograde. that can't be helping. was mercury in retrograde last november? mercury is supposed to mean change and creativity, as well as all the screwed up things that happen.

speaking of weird things, i found a tarot card on the street on monday. ace of swords, randomly blown into a planter, on a street i don't normally walk down. ace of swords means major change and victory. a double-edged sword because victory means sacrifice.

that actually really fits with the theme of my nano novel, so even tho i have considered trying to come up with something completely new, the tarot card is encouraging me to keep it.

because if you pick up a random tarot card off the street, that has to mean something, right?