Big Scary Fun Thing

I was listening to the NaNo podcast on my walk into work this morning. I love that they're doing the podcast year round. It's very inspiring. They're doing this push to do a Big Scary Fun thing in 2007, and of course, everyone is picking getting published. Which only makes sense. But hearing them talk about it pushes me a little more to try.

Because I've never really tried. I look at publishers, or think about cover letters, and I just shut down and run away. Because it's way too scary. I think I could even handle the rejection- well, obviously I'm scared of something, or I would have done it by now. But I could handle some rejection letters.

It might be that if I start submitting to agents, eventually I will have submitted to every agent that might possibly be interested in our stories, and what if they ALL reject us? If I start, then eventually there must be a end, and what if that end is bad? It's far easier to just hope that an agent will drop out of the sky and say 'a book about a teen movie star going to college in Philly! Just what I wanted!'

I know all of this is stupid, but there it is.

And I hate doing things I don't understand. I'm not afraid of new things, as long as I understand them. I feel like there are too many rules to submitting to agents and publishers, and if you break a rule, then you're screwed. And everything you read contradicts the last thing you read, so I have no idea what the rules are.

Maybe I just need to make up the rules as I see them and forge ahead. I know I need to make a list and start checking things off. Breaking things down into steps is my preferred method for anything.

My other immediate problem is that I'm completely uninspired by the book that has a shot at being published. I'd much rather work on my fan fic, which will never be published, but I love.

Maybe let myself write some fan fic as a reward for moving through some of my other steps.

So, next steps:

1. Make a list of steps towards publication. Do not allow myself to get scared off by the thought of editing our unweidley manuscript. Work on cover letters and research agents. Those are more manageable.
2. Write some fan fic, because it makes me happy.
3. Make a list of steps for editing. The book is too big, and I don't know where to start.

In another post, I'll talk about my other big scary fun goal of doing a half-marathon next January.

And I need to blog more. I know no one is reading, but writing this stuff down helps me organize my thoughts.